


The only thing

by Tuii



Series: Polarity [7]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Drabble, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Orientation, pan sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 12:02:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17918435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii
Summary: He can’t be fixed and he knows that, the issue is that others don’t know that. They don’t believe when he says that to them. He knows the look the others get when he says those words. The look that says “well, I’m different than others and I can do this although nobody before has”.





	The only thing

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by today's clip from Skam France. My thoughts of how Even sees himself and his relationship with others.

The only thing he had wanted was to be like anyone else. To fit in, to be like everyone else. Not to be different. But no, that was exactly what he didn’t get to be. He knew the way others looked at him, and he hated those looks. The ones that were filled with curiosity, the ones that wanted to know what the hell was he actually doing, the ones that were worried that he might snap and go mental on them, those ones that were worried that he might make a move on them, because naturally he wants to fuck everything that moves. 

He doesn’t want to be seen as someone who is bipolar, pansexual, two years older than other third years. He doesn’t want to be the one who is just a huge failure. He sees the looks his parents exchange. He knows what they’re thinking. He can hear the words that aren’t said out loud but are thought, loudly in their heads. 

But no. He is the one who is bipolar, crazy, mental, pansexual, older than others because of failing at things. He is no good and he knows that. He should just fade into a wall or something. He should just forget about the boy. He is no good for him and he knows that, and he somehow needs to get the boy to understand that as well. That there is no reason to try to reach for him, he is not worth it. But there is a part of him that doesn’t want to do that. Part of him wants the boy, he wants the boy to be all his. 

He has been through this before. With Sonja. Who was determined that she could fix him. Which naturally is not what you can do, when you’re talking about someone like him. He can’t be fixed and he knows that, the issue is that others don’t know that. They don’t believe when he says that to them. He knows the look the others get when he says those words. The look that says “well, I’m different than others and I can do this although nobody before has”. But it just doesn’t work like that. He isn’t even sure would he want it to work like that, after all. Because he has done something wrong to be like this, he has deserved his punishment, hasn’t he?

But what he doesn’t know is that the boy doesn’t see the age difference, the disorder, the things others see. The boy sees the smile that lights the room, not just the sadness that sometimes is also there. The boy doesn’t see the pansexuality, he sees just a hot boy that he wants to have as his own. To the boy he is more than just bipolar, older, pansexual and a mess. To him he is perfect.


End file.
